"Unstuck"

It feels like it happened yesterday, or if yesterday feels like a thousand years ago, both can be felt as true by a brain that organizes the narration of the event in a different place than where it holds the emotional sense of the same even. This is true of all memories, and those two places could not be farther apart in the brain- and are almost diametrically opposite. The language processing part of the brain that puts events in categories is in the upper left hemisphere and the captured sensory memory that protects from “like” events is in the lower right hemisphere, so it is a bit like sending a message through soup cans connected by a wire, where the meaning can change in the delivery. The message is going to take on new meaning as it travels. All memories are malleable and traumatic memories are particularly prone to distortion (just like a waxy cover of cheese in a dryer… so please tell my husband I do not remember putting Baby Bell in my pocket before I washed those jeans.) Traumatic memories are stored differently and are encapsulated in unmetabolized form in the limbic region where time has no meaning. And yet the body remembers. The vagus nerve that goes from brain to stomach is part of what gives that "gut punch", as it goes through all the important organs, such as heart, lungs, and esophogus. And that is because we want to survive over make sense of events. If a bear approaches in the woods, it is more important to get away from harm than identify the genus of the bear. It is important to connect quickly to the ultimate goal of survival, and only later to pause for reflection, and create meaning for protection. So if later we can idenitfy it as a black bear, which is not known to be as aggressive as the grizzly bear, then we can localize the source of threat, which inversely makes the rest of the woods more safe. And yet, catch a whiff of pine trees, and the vagus nerve may signal that it is time to alert the sympathetic system that it is time to "fight or flight". The somatic self holds on to sensory experiences to make sure that you are not caught, unaware, in the woods, with a bear, so the sights, sounds, smells are all bundles to the acute memory. Now most of us have not met a bear in the woods, but maybe we have met someone who has felt threatening, or turned their back when we were in need. So if the bear has a face, and could be a colleague or family member or former friend, then our experiences teach us to stay alive by remaining vigilant. We can be reactive to anything perceived as unsafe, so suspicious facial expressions, or abrupt actions. No matter if the last time someone caught you off guard was a decade ago, to not be fooled by the passage of time, the vigilance leads to a phenomenon sometimes referred to as "trauma time". The brain is designed without a clock, and we quickly learn to be forever on alert, regardless of whether we are older, wiser or beyond the reach of a bear. Even if the original source of trauma is vanished from our lives, we can live in the state of awareness of a bear's breath on our neck, which makes us disassociate from the present, but be hyperaware of who is behind us (or in front of us) at all times. Trauma time can rob us of the moment, as we live in an alert state from the past and in the fear of the future. But stealing from quality life does not matter if the brain believes there is a a threat to life. In a split second, a sight or smell or sound may signal the limbic brain of a reminder of the original danger, triggering a surge of corisol that leaves the heart racing, palms sweating, and thoughts fragmented. The only thing that matters is survival, and the reaction may be big, and lead to extreme behaviors, which later can lead to shame. Or the survivor may dissociate, so even if my feet are not moving, my consciousness runs from the present. Untethered, the emotional part of self can re-live the feelings related to the the trauma, and so truly lose touch with reality or the passage of time. I am there again, in the middle of the woods, with my brain flashing images of bears. It may take minutes or hours to come back to a grounded sense of where I am, to "find my feet" underneath me once again. While all memory is bendable, traumatic memory follows a particular warp. There is evidence – from both field and lab-based studies – to suggest that the memory distortion follows a particular pattern: People tend to remember more trauma than they experienced, and those who do, tend to exhibit more of the “re-experiencing” symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Some research suggests that this is due to what is called source monitoring. After a traumatic experience, intentional remembering (effortful retrieval) and unintentional remembering (intrusive mental imagery) can introduce new details that, over time, assimilate into a person’s memory for the event. People’s memories for traumatic events are – like their memories for more mundane events – easily distorted. Importantly, memory distortion for traumatic events appears to follow a particular pattern: people tend to remember more trauma than they experienced, a phenomenon referred to as “memory amplification.” Unfortunately, memory amplification carries real consequences: the more amplification people demonstrate, the more likely they are to report the “re-experiencing” symptoms associated with PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts and images. Which is why, to be effective, therapy must go to the source: to help develop skills for staying centered, self-aware, and have agency over the overwhelm in a safe way through experiential therapy. The trauma was an experience, so to have a powerful healing experience helps us get "unstuck". We can work through the feelings in a secure environment, and add presence to present day perspective, all of which engenders true safety. That vulnerability, met with connection and compassion, support true healing. And it is important to include family members affected by "trauma time". Feelings of anger, fear, and a need for validation are important because they may want the healing to happen faster, out of love for the person who was traumatized. Psycho-education and support can help with the anxiety or confusion for all those impacted. Connection within the self and within a support network will create the space for lasting healing.